She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
