O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
