I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
