none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
