i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
