well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
