This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
