Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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