wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
