Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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