i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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