it's like iHOP with fire
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
