your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
