I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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