Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's shark week go big or go home
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
