My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize