if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
