You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
