You can't motorboat a personality
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
