omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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