I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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