Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
