i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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