Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
