I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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