You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
