If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
