he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
