I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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