My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
