For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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