apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well you can't waste a boner
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
