fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
