my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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