he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
