omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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