Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together