Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"

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  (419): Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?" http://tfl.nu/fz6y
  Replies (26) Good night (873) Bad night (4441) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

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  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20839) Bad night (3596) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

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  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (83) Good night (11190) Bad night (1765) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

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  (401): We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/48jv
  Replies (8) Good night (3328) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.

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  (570): Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza. http://tfl.nu/epfb
  Replies (8) Good night (2549) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  On my way to the DMV to get arrested

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  (781): On my way to the DMV to get arrested http://tfl.nu/1450
  Replies (8) Good night (948) Bad night (1950) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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  (812): Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/nr1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1841) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.

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  (604): After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me. http://tfl.nu/m19j
  Replies (5) Good night (1550) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.

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  (218): Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county. http://tfl.nu/h5dk
  Replies (12) Good night (1317) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.

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  (330): They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared. http://tfl.nu/tvlx
  Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

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  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (6) Good night (2132) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it

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  (208): It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it http://tfl.nu/8smb
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.

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  (+44): Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am. http://tfl.nu/fqfm
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Damnit.

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  (832): If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning (1-832): Damnit. http://tfl.nu/shac
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass

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  (630): Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass http://tfl.nu/dssk
  Replies (4) Good night (317) Bad night (136) Order T-Shirt

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