Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.