watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.