Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.

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  (248): It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet. http://tfl.nu/g9yd
  Replies (0) Good night (1353) Bad night (661)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4277) Bad night (1365)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

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  (337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5
  Replies (22) Good night (904) Bad night (4878)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

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  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10480) Bad night (1200)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (37) Good night (15526) Bad night (1319)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

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  (508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig? http://tfl.nu/6st9
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (2783)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.

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  (814): If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know. http://tfl.nu/ag02
  Replies (7) Good night (2219) Bad night (1630)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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  (231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc
  Replies (6) Good night (3807) Bad night (824)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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  (570): please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic http://tfl.nu/e8z4
  Replies (5) Good night (588) Bad night (2154)
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  (310): View more from California

  I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.

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  (310): I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too. http://tfl.nu/waf5
  Replies (2) Good night (1361) Bad night (534)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"

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  (440): I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found" http://tfl.nu/rmaa
  Replies (3) Good night (1632) Bad night (439)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes. 

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  (406): Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.  http://tfl.nu/b2xf
  Replies (2) Good night (1052) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (+46): View more from Sweden

  Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving

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  (+46): Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving http://tfl.nu/pqr1
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (357)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.

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  (505): Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who. http://tfl.nu/ct81
  Replies (2) Good night (280) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?

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  (317): Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life? http://tfl.nu/hpvf
  Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (205)

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