dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
