How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
