Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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