I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
