I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
