I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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