yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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