Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
