cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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