Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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