quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
