No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
