Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
