We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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