So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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