but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
