trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
