I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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