Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
