Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
