Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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