i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
