But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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