my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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