Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
