I think I died a long time ago.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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