Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
