how can u be prego again
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
