Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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