Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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