They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
