This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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