There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
