Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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