i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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