Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
