from now on my penis is your penis
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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